What a year for us! I seriously am so exhausted from it that I decided to save myself some stress and do Facebook cards this year. We have had a lot of trials and a lot to be grateful for and this may be a little long. Fair warning!
We started 2012 off with a bang with Kenai Dennis Dart being born on January 4. The Sanpete Valley Hospital is so small that although it was the 4th, he was the New Year's baby! We received all sorts of goodies and had our picture in the paper. His delivery went very smoothly and I remember laying in bed with him our first morning at home feeling that life was pure bliss. Then it got rough for a couple weeks. Kenai was jaundice and had to be put on bililites. On the way home from one of our bilirubin checks, I started feeling very ill. Within an hour I felt like I had been run over by a bus (not that I have experienced that and know what it feels like). Luckily my Mom was visiting and I rested most of the day, took a bath, but still continued to get worse and when I started a fever, I had Greg take me to the ER. Turns out I had an infection in my uterus. Luckily I went in soon enough that I did not have to be hospitalized and the antibiotics had me feeling much better by the next morning. It definitely delayed my recovery, but I was so grateful that it hadn't been worse. Next we began to worry about Kenai. He had a couple meconium poopy diapers in the hospital, but did not have one at all after bringing him home. He also had very small amounts of urine and was not gaining weight, but was eating all the time. He had x-rays done but was not constipated. He simply was not creating waste and went more than a day without urinating and at 10 days old, still had not returned to his birth-weight. The doctor recommended I start supplementing formula. I was to breastfeed first, offer a bottle and then pump and do that every two hours. Yikes! After much worry, he was 2 weeks old and had not had a bowel movement and so we gave him a blessing. A couple hours later, he pooped! A couple hours later after that, he pooped again!! Once he started, he didn't stop and we couldn't be more excited about it. It turns out that with my infection and the antibiotics I was not producing much milk. He was getting enough food to survive but not thrive. I felt like the worst Mom in the world for starving my baby and guilty for not being able to breast feed. As he quickly began to gain weight and thrive, I got over it.
We had another very special day in January when Alexis chose to be baptized and we also blessed Kenai at her baptism. We had a special program for them in Orem with lots of family and friends in attendance and it was so wonderful. Kenai is the happiest baby I have ever met and has a very sweet spirit. We are overwhelmed with our blessings.
In March, Greg had to present at a conference in San Francisco and Kenai and I were lucky enough to tag along. Mark and Karen watched the other 3 kids and had lots of fun with them while we were away. We visited Alcatraz, saw the Golden Gate Bridge, rode the cable cars. The conference hotel was gorgeous and had a great view right at the top of a very steep hill. Kenai was a great little traveler. Also during this time, some drama occurred for Greg at work that I won't go into details about. I will just say that it really tested our character and caused me much stress. I am so thankful for close friends that I was able to cling onto during that time.
As Spring sprung, we began to look forward to the Fall which Greg was planning to start a Doctorate program. We both were very busy planning and organizing Ephraim's Scandinavian Festival, running our businesses, volunteering on the PTA, church callings, Greg's more than full time job, raising 4 kids, etc. We both felt a little deflated and as we started to think about how we would pay for graduate school and where would we find the time to add it to our schedules, we decided it might be good to make some changes. Greg started actively applying for jobs all over the country and we were overwhelmed with the response. (I can brag, cause he is my husband!) He ended up with 5 very good job offers, 4 that were out of state. All of the jobs were about the same pay range (quite a bit more than he was currently making) and we decided that a short move, still close to family and the job at USU Eastern in Price was the best fit for us. I also applied for a job as an Assistant Hall Director which we were blessed to get, because it meant free housing which would ease the stress of selling our house.
Then came the tears. I loved living in Ephraim. I loved the elementary school, I loved our house, I loved our neighborhood, we have Badger blood (Snow College's mascot). Moving was very bittersweet. It probably was the hardest for Alexis as she is the oldest and had lots of friends at school. Did I mention how much I loved our house and neighborhood? We literally sold half our stuff, best yard sale ever! We put our house up for sale and at the end of June we made the move to Price Utah.
Although we have missed Ephraim, there are things we have really enjoyed about living in Price. Our apartment is much smaller than our home was, but it is big enough for us and comfortable. It is right across the street from Greg's office, the city's awesome wave pool and a perfect playground for the kids to play in. Denali started Kindergarten and Alexis 3rd grade and we all really love their new school and their teachers. Both girls are really doing well and are so smart. Paxton also started preschool this year at the program on campus. It happens to be right next to us also and he loves it and has made good friends there. Just like at Snow, we feel very grateful for Greg's co-workers and blessed to have them in our lives. With the housing position I have, I work 5 hours a week in the housing office and help assist the Resident Advisors in their duties.
I have dealt with postpartum depression before and after we got to Price and things started to settle down I began to feel very depressed. I know this is probably really personal to share in a Christmas letter, but I have learned that talking about it helps me and can sometimes help others feeling the same way.Shortly I began feeling very lonely and darkness seemed to be consuming me so much. It was affecting my ability to parent my children and I felt like I was literally suffocating. I kept thinking that if I exercised, took my vitamins and got enough rest, that I could find my balance and wouldn't feel this way anymore. I started getting headaches and my heart was racing all the time it seemed and on a few occasions I experienced chest pains. I finally decided it was time to see a doctor. Why I didn't see one sooner can only be explained by the fact I was not in the right mind. Turns out that my heart rate was extremely high. The chest pains and headaches were being caused by extreme anxiety and my body being so tense. My doctor prescribed medication for depression and for anxiety. The anxiety medication helped me right away, although it made me very sleepy at first.
Shortly after I started the medication, Greg's travel season was in full swing. He actually has traveled less this year than ever before, but October is always a busy travel month for him and this year was no different. The first week he was gone went pretty well. But when the second week started my anxiety was increasing and I was grasping to stay afloat and be a good parent to my kids. One frustrating morning I could not get Denali moving and we were going to be late for the bus. I threw on some flip flops and we started to run for the bus. My toe caught the edge of a raised section of sidewalk and BAM! I was flattened to the concrete before I even fully realized what happened. Immediately I knew I had broken my hand and the girls looked at me with shock and worry. I told them I loved them and that I really needed them to go get on the bus. As I walked back to the apartment I was thinking, "Really God? All that I have been going through and now a broken hand while my husband is out of town and won't be home for another 6 days???" He said, "Yes really, but I have put amazing people in your life who are going to bless and help you through this time." And that is what happened. A friend took me to the ER along with my boys and her own 2 children and she ran a bunch of errands with me that I needed to do and then she brought us dinner. The ER doctor while asking me if I have any allergies snatched my dislocated fingers and jerked them back into place. I gasped with a shocked look on my face as I tried to hold back tears. He says, "You probably want to cuss at me right now, but I promise it is longer and more painful if you know it is coming." Turns out jerking dislocated fingers back into place costs almost $500. No joke. I had broken two of my fingers near the main knuckles and needed surgery a week later for them to reset my fingers so the bones would heal correctly. My hand was extremely painful and swollen and bruised. You don't really appreciate what you have until it is gone and that was so true with my hand. The most basic daily tasks take much longer and are much more difficult one handed.
So on one of Greg's recruiting trips, he met a counselor from Hawaii and she told him that he should make a trip there and told him what schools and fairs to visit. He looked into it and decided it might be a trip worth taking. His cousin lives there, so he had a place to stay and plane tickets happened to be abnormally low. As I was sitting in the ER, he texted me that plane tickets had dropped significantly and did I want to go to Hawaii with him. Yes please! So two weeks later we were on a plane to Hawaii. We brought Kenai with us and Greg's parents watched the other three, again. I am so grateful for my in-laws! So while Greg was visiting schools and college fairs every day, I was hanging out with his sweet cousin Amy and her daughter Dia. We slept in, talked, walked to the beach. It really was so great for me to relax, cuddle my angel baby and strengthen my friendship with Amy. Her husband is in the Navy and we got a personal tour of his submarine that he works on. My appreciation for our military and the sacrifices their families make intensified immensely On our last day before we flew out we were about to go take pictures of the Hawaii Temple and visit the Polynesian Cultural Center. It was lovely and I loved that everyone in Hawaii calls you their cousins. The feeling there is a little bit like Disneyland. Everyone is just so excited to see you and have you there. At the end of November we were able to close on the sale of our house in Ephraim which was a huge answer to prayers. We are completely debt free and have the money saved to get through graduate school. So grateful for both those things!
The first week of December came and we were so excited. We had been planning a Carnival Cruise to the Mexican Riviera for months and were so excited to take the kids on a vacation. Other than the kids not liking the long drive, we had a really wonderful trip. We loved the service and food that the employees provide. The kids went swimming every chance they got and fully enjoyed the Camp Carnival program. It even allowed Greg and I to eat a few dinners with only one child. Our first day at Cabo we spent 3 hours at the beach, soaking in the sun, swimming and building sand castles. I did get in the ocean, but I could not swim much as I still had the cast on my hand. The 2nd day at Cabo Greg took Alexis snorkeling as I slept in with the other kids and they went swimming on the ship. In Puerrto Vallarta we went to a water park Greg and Alexis were able to swim with dolphins there. It was a really hot day and the kids loved the water slides and playing in the cool water. Alexis loves dolphins, can tell you all about them and it has been her dream for several years to swim with dolphins. She literally swam with them too, I will post the pictures to Facebook . . . someday. One of my favorite things about going on a cruise is that we are completely unplugged. No TV, not internet, no phones ringing. Just quality family time spent doing whatever we feel like doing at the moment. Kenai was a little sick on the boat, but we don't think it had anything to do with sea sickness. We enjoyed our trip so much that we booked our next vacation while we were on the boat!
When we got back to where our car was parked, we realized we had a flat tire. A tire that had been flat and replaced brand new only a few months earlier. Finding a place that was open on Sunday proved to be difficult. When we did find a place, the man told us it would be about 15 minutes. Greg and I both gave a look to each other that meant, "Yeah right." But it did! They had us all fixed up and ready to go so fast, we were so grateful. On the way home I started to get a sore throat and we had to drive 11 hours straight to get home that day. We were so ready to go to bed that night. I was really excited for the next day though, because I was finally able to get my cast off. Before my appointment Paxton started to get a really high fever so Greg stayed home with the kids while I went. Underneath my cast was a little scary. My fingers were so hard and stiff that I couldn't even move them. They were still bruised and swollen and I was fearing I may not have full use out of them ever again. I also was pretty worried to not have the protective cast to keep my healing fingers safe from active children, but at the same time I was so grateful to have it off. That night we were up all night with Denali as she was throwing up and Paxton's fever was still high. By Tuesday Greg and Kenai were both not feeling well and it appeared that Alexis had an infection. Wednesday we took all the kids to the doctor and they all were out on antibiotics. Thursday Greg and I went to the doctor and I had been so worried about Kenai's labored breathing that I stepped into their doctor's office which is right next door and just asked if the P.A. we had seen the day before would listen to him. She gladly did and sent us straight to the ER. After a steroid shot, he seemed to be doing o.k. and they were about to send us home, but he had another episode of very labored breathing and they administered a breathing treatment right away. A couple hours later they were able to send us home. He had another really rough night that night and I was taking him for walks and we slept with the window open all night long. We never have all been sick at once. I have never seen Greg so sick as he has been this week. We both still had fevers last night. Yuck!
So today I sit here writing this letter and am worn out mentally, physically and emotionally. But I am also overwhelmed with gratitude for my family, friends, numerous blessings and for my Savior, Jesus Christ. We wish you all a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!!
Love,
Greg, Dawn, Alexis (8), Denali (6), Paxton (3), and Kenai (11 months) Dart
December 2012
